One week after completing my Master's degree in Clinical Psychology, I met my future and former husband on a blind date. The year was 1984. He was a handsome, witty, and brilliant attorney, I was intrigued, then smitten. We married the following year on what was the happiest day of my life...then divorced less than three years later.

He has been with his now-husband ever since.

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The abrupt shift from joyful newlywed to someone consumed with grief, trauma, and loss changed the trajectory of my life forever. At the time, I didn't know of another person in my situation. And in the late 80s, the only public conversations about gay men had to do with the AIDS epidemic. In the words of Jean Schaar Gochros, Ph.D., it was a painful period of "unique isolation", and I never wanted anyone else to have to go through it alone.

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For more than thirty years I've been a compassionate voice for people who find themselves in a mixed sexual orientation marriage. I understand the shock and grief of the straight spouse; my former husband helped me understand the shame and desire of the LGBT spouse. Both experiences are valid. Both experiences are true. And what it means for the marriage is different for every couple. 

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If you find yourself on either side of this unhappy closet and need help navigating a path forward, I hope you will reach out. I understand your journey.

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